Disagreement is Crucial...but how?

"I'm sorry, but I have to disagree!" Looking at the faces of those in the meeting, the negative anticipation was easy to see.  The opposing viewpoint was given, followed by a long silence.

"I'm so glad you brought that up--it is critical that we consider that point before we move forward," the group leader responded.  "What else should we consider?"

The feeling in the room immediately lightened, and a robust--and friendly--debate continued.  In the end, a course of action was determined, and the meeting participants left with handshakes and smiles all around.

How could this be?  It turns out that mutually respectful disagreements actually strengthen our connections with others. In fact, when group members are always in agreement, the group is both less productive and less trusting than if there is a climate that encourages people to share different points of view.

Try an experiment--think of a situation where you can encourage others to share diverse viewpoints.  How does encouraging this kind of discussion affect the feeling in the group?

Is extraversion necessary?

Sometimes we mistakenly think that to really be an energizer, we have to be extraverted.  This isn't entirely accurate.  You can probably think of someone who is very outgoing who doesn't energize you at all--in fact, he might consistently drain your energy!

The key is not in extraversion, but in having an external focus--in other words, caring enough to notice others and their needs.  When we cultivate a sensitivity to others, we have a tendency to be inclusive, compassionate, supportive, and appreciative.  These qualities invite an open dialogue where all points of view can be expressed and discussed.

This external focus also allows true leaders to instruct, intervene, and correct when necessary.  They've built a cushion of positive interactions, and because their focus is on the success and happiness of others, they have an increased capacity to be effective.

One other thought.  This external focus shouldn't be confused with what deeply motivates and directs us.  I'll discuss this in another post, but we can and should be directed not by external events and people, but by a deep connection to guiding principles and morals.

Restarting

Well, I've taken a new position.  I've moved my family from southeast Michigan to Bountiful, UT.  The change has been a blur in many ways.  Several days after I began work, I was promoted.  Just as I was starting to feel a rhythm, several departments were reorganized, and my title changed with an expanded role.  I'm grateful for the opportunities to learn.
I'm also committed to completing my research and degree.  With the change in scenery, I've also had some time to visit with more people about energy and hear some different perspectives.  Here are a few things people have shared with me:
Energizers are different than friends.  Friends certainly may be energizers, but energizers increase my vitality, my capacity to do work.
Energizers require more than authenticity.  An energizer may be authentic, but one who is authentic may be neutral when it comes to their capacity and tendency to energize me.
Finally, I'm considering a change to the name of the blog, so readers can more easily connect.  Energizers and networks are terms that for some people seem like quackery (energizer) or ambiguous (networks--am I speaking of social networks, computer networks, business networks?).
I don't know the name yet, but will add to the blog, and try to come up with descriptions that can be understood as people that lift me, make me want to be better and actually become better.

Short case of leadership

I have a friend who has a position of authority in an organization.  My friend, I'll call him Jesse, is responsible for development and training.  He oversees the leadership team that develops training activities, collects data on participation and engagement, and executes continuing development.

This role may sound familiar to you--perhaps one that you fill.  The organization depends not only on the leader for direction, but also on the performance and participation of members.

I watched Jesse as he worked with different members of his team.  He was decisive, thoughtful, and kind.  However, over time, he became frustrated with members of his leadership team, and then became prescriptive in his direction, developing a reputation as somewhat of a micromanager.

Meanwhile, Jesse's leadership team members were developing patterns of behavior in response to his demands.  Where they had once approached projects with energy, they began approaching new projects with hesitancy.  When developing training events, they would frequently postpone not only important decisions, but also trivial decisions about elements of the presentations and activities.  Where plans had been innovative and bold, they became plain as the team members waited to act until they received Jesse's specific direction.  When working with outside vendors, negotiations became protracted as team members went back and forth, seeking Jesse's approval for every element of a vendor's agreement.

Jesse felt that each progressive project and training session became less effective, felt less enthusiastic about participating himself, and less confident in his leadership team.  He felt like he was losing steam.  What had gone wrong?

Jesse had effectively become a de-energizer in his organization.  After interactions with him, and in anticipating interactions with him, others felt less empowered to do their jobs, less motivated to invest creative thinking, and less important to the success of the organization.

How would you respond if Jesse asked you for some suggestions?

NFL Playoff Energizer

I really enjoy watching football, and with the NFL Playoffs nearing their climactic end, I've been struck with the results that the New York Jets have had.
     The New York Times published an article describing how the Jets, with a first-year head coach and a rookie quarterback, are making a case for the championship, and much of the talk is about the effect that the coach, Rex Ryan, has had on the culture of the organization.
     Organizational culture is difficult to change--largely because culture is made up of all of the unwritten rules.  Yet Ryan, with a colorful personality and consistent demonstrations of trust and belief in his team, is doing just that.
     Dave Anderson, the reporter on this story, says, "With never a negative thought, he has made every Jets player better."
     Ryan distributed the schedule of events for the month to his players and coaches which included the Super Bowl and a victory parade.
     "It's like a proud parent who believes in you...to do the right thing to get the job done," said All-Pro center Nick Mangold.
     Ryan backs up his words with actions--in a crucial situation during the game with San Diego, he trusted his offense to gain a single critical yard--cementing the game for the Jets.
     Energizers believe in us.  They aren't always colorful, like Coach Ryan, but they consistently make us feel trusted and capable, and we respond by first feeling motivated and empowered, and then acting on those feelings.

Big Impact, Little Footprint

My wife is involved in organizing events for our church, and in this capacity, she arranges for teachers/speakers who present on a variety of topics.

We happen to have in our area some individuals who are academic "stars." They teach at high-profile institutions, publish many books, and are highly sought-after presenters for conferences and corporations.

You guessed it...she invited a star to come speak about building mission statements for individuals and organizations. His response was surprising in this era of public and private behavior being so paradoxical. I can paraphrase the response this way: "I would be honored--when can we visit about the specific needs of your group and how I can help?"

The presentation was unpaid, and the presentation/discussion was masterful and inspiring, with a unique feature that those in attendance came away not so impressed with the presenter, but by the learning experience itself.

He demonstrated a unique ability to use his presentation to deflect attention away from himself, and towards the ideas he was teaching as well as the others in the room. Some research has suggested that there is a Self/Others ratio that is ideal for contributing to productive group work. It turns out that when we invoke others in our speech and actions more often than ourselves, we tend to contribute to positive group outcomes.

There are many things about this experience that taught me, such as the generosity of being willing to serve, the humility to ask how to best serve, and the graciousness to treat it as an honor, but the biggest impression I have right now is of the capacity to direct attention away from the leader/teacher and to the work and people at hand.

Last thought: The end of such a meeting is often a good time for a speaker to receive individual congratulations and thanks.

He ducked out the back door, having had a huge impact, but leaving almost no footprint.

The Energizing Power of Gratitude

I read this Thanksgiving post on CNN, which points to several university psychologists and a couple of popular authors in describing the power of gratitude. I had an experience with it a couple of weeks ago, too.

"I think I'm going to drop out of school," began the conversation with one of our students--a scholarship student with great creativity, an engaging personality, and a curious mind. "I just don't think I can continue. When I think of doing this for the rest of my career, I don't think it's for me. I used to wake up excited to go to classes, and now I wake up, and I don't even want to come."

As I pressed for more detail, it became clear that she had a number of concerns about how things were going in her classes, with classmates, and with faculty members.

"What is the most recent thing you can remember about college that you really enjoyed?" I asked.

As she answered, I transcribed her words on a piece of stationery. I handed her the sheet of paper.

"Your assignment," I said, "is to fill this sheet with statements of gratitude over the next week."

The details of the assignment were to write at least once a day, more if desired, and to express gratitude for specific things, events, and people. Additionally, she was to write at least two thank-you notes to members of the department--students or faculty, and give them.

One week later, the same student walked into my office again--burst in.

"It's working!" she exclaimed. "For three days now, I've woken up before my alarm, just excited to come learn and be with these people that I love so much. I just wanted to thank you for the assignment."

We visited for a few minutes more about the details, and I encouraged her to continue her gratitude journaling. As she was leaving, she said, "One more thing...can I do more than two thank-you notes?"